Hell&related Stuff

Just try it and see.

YOUR AGE BY EATING OUT

Don't tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood anyway-but your waiter may know!

YOUR AGE BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH

This is pretty neat.

DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!

It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read ...
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to go out to eat.
(more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this numbe! r by 2 (just to be bold)
! !

3. Add 5
!

4. Multiply it by 50

5. If you have already had your birthday this yea! r add 1757...
If you haven't, add 1756.

6. Now subtract the four d! igit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number.

The first digit of this was your original number. (I.e., How many times you want to go out to restaurants in a week.)

The next two numbers are

YOUR AGE ! ------ (Oh YES, it is!!!)

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2007) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS

!

Dennypoos.........................wasting time till I go home or....?

.Following the 'Bomb Scare' on the bus to work, seems I needn't have worried as the good Burghers of Southampton were looking out for me as can be evidenced by the photo of the very spot where the evacuation took place.

.

Watching a bit of the beeb's coverage of Glastonbury on Saturday night I was a little concerned to see that the 'strobe' warning came a good minute into the Killers set and I had a wholly misplaced chuckle at the thought of some kids fitting in front of the box alert and of the switchboard at the Beeb suffering meltdown.

Still on the subject of the BBC's faux-pas, the recent rains have brought to Boscastle the threat of a recurrence of the floods of three years ago.
The bedraggled, rain soaked reporter stood in front of a stone building and told us that the owner had re-built it brick by brick himself. Pah!

What concerns me is, what exactly do you call this kind of mistake? I've got 'malapropism' in my head or is it a 'misnomer'?

Dennypoos.............................questioning to the very end?

Here in building land we have some folk who arn't too gifted in the English Language dept.

I give, as evidence, the following sign found on a mixing tub for plaster.

Dennypoos...................a witness to life.

Ok, I think of myself as a pretty well up together kind of Guy but this has me perplexed.
I spotted this object in the middle of the shopping area of Southampton, the High Street to be prescise.

...and yes I have been in touch with the council and Yes, I am still waiting for them to get back to me.

I have since found, but not yet examined another one of these outside 'Yates', but as I was on the bus, have had no chance to take a closer shufty.

Dennypoos,........ever the enquiring mind.

The ride to work today was different insomuch as I had to give yet another blood sample at the hospital and as such caught a different bus .

Halfway through the journey the damned bus emptied and even the driver got out and left me as the sole occupant, albeit locked in.

Bomb scare or a lack of deodarant, I muse on this.

Dennypoos,...........pretty vacant?

How nice it is to see co-workers helping each other with those tricky little chores that require a distinct skill.

Some may look upon this picture of domestic harmony and give the usual sexist comment about MEN, (pah) as in can't even tie his own tie. Personally, I go with the "keeping a dog and barking yourself" crowd, but what-ho.

Dennypoos, an observer of social etiquite.

Bloody hell, no sooner have I got one of our yardies trained up to be my personal fetcher and carrier than Simon, he of the "I cant write stuff cos my Speelings two badd" went and sacked the little bugger.

Mike you'r in a better place.

Denny, once a user, always a user.

Today, here in Builders Merchants Land, I spent the morning spitting feathers over one of our so called IT specialists. I'll not mince words, this bloke is an ignorant, surly,,unhelpful,lard arse,humourless waste of space. While I'm on the subject of space, this guy takes up shitloads of it. I had a problem with my laptop (see they are finally getting an idea as to my worth), the slug guy immediatly accused me of sabotage ,treating me as if I know nowt about owt.

The idle bastard couldn't be arsed to come and have a look so I limped across to him. I found him and the two arse cheeks in different chairs but, I explained my problem (whilst eating a double choc Muffin...... He-He). It had to be left there whilst grumpy bollocks went on the web or looked in the instruction book or whatever and I got it back an hour later. Doesn't this Balloon sized dick realise that I am a customer as well.

If you think I'm being unkind to fat people then in this instance you are wrong. A spade is a spade, a shovel a shovel etc. This person is all that I have said, furthermore I'm convinced that his arse is so large that when he goes outdoors its gravitational pull affects the tides.

Denny, compassion at its best.

Yesterday whilst watching my wild flowers press themselves into a state of dessicated rigidity I was convinced there was something on the Tele that I should be watching. The perceptive among my readers may think that this would be "Man in the Iron Mask" but not so, indeed I was suprised to see that if I missed the start of the film on Film4 I could catch it a little later on More4 and ITV2. Indeed it was possible to watch this at any moment throught the Day. Not a bad film I grant you but not for 24hrs. The book was a little better but there again I never had the hots for Richard Chamberlain.

Denny, in touch with his feminine side but not a bender.

Thais is what we have to put up with on the trudge to be a drudge.
Pretty damned impressive and this is just a tiddler

Dennypoos always there when you want him.

...working nonsense is.

How many people have such an enjoyable experience before 8am as I?
Taking the bus to work, owing to the fractured ankle, I pass the lower area of Southampton where Medeival walls nestle, cheek by jowl with a view of the harbour, where can be seen any number of HUGE and I mean really fucking huge passenger Liners.

The word is impressive.

missing bit where photo should be............

Things "on the job" show that more and more of "Buffoon Boys" mistakes are surfacing. Todays biggie is a kitchen that is ready assembled that Simon (of whom more later)is looking after in the warehouse. Thing is we've put back the date for the Granite worktop measurement once already and have done it once more as the customer is just having the kichen roof fixed and it will be ten days or so before the plastering is dry enough for accurate measurements to be taken. Seems our 'Boy Wonder'orders £6k kitchen units with pre-cognition as to if the builders put the walls where they should be to the nearest cm.

I'm trying to get Simon, our warehouse manager into the blogging frame of mind but it seems he's just a voyeur not a participent.

Ah! now here's the thing, Buffoon Boy has been given the 'golden rivet' this morning.
Our super hero gave Lulu (more about her later) a lift into work this morning, full of himself about what he'd done on his hols and the amount of kitchens he was going to sell this week not knowing he was for the off.

Large scale meeting with our two managers then an emptying of the company car. There were tears before breakfast let alone bed time, but as he was sacked from his previous job for gross misconduct, perhaps we got away easy.The only problem is that now Lulu and myself have to sort out the bloody mess we've been left in. I am thankfully excelent at the "oil on troubled waters" routine and we should do well eventually though god only knows what other cock-ups will emerge.

On a brighter note I'm £100 better off than I was last week as I got a 'distinction' on a training module that we are asked to do.Really easy dosh and I can do loads more of these things this year.

I counted him in, I saw him away.

Dennypoos, always a shoulder at the ready.

Bit late with what is the first of a more work related blog, but I like my audience primed and ready.

Buffoon Boy, curious title for a blog and to whom does this title belong? I hear you ask.

It's this knob head.

So, mes enfants, you are wondering how this can be so, and so I'll tell y'all.

The boy in question is indeed 30 yrs old this year and has just got himself all loved up to the point where he texts this deluded girl all day and tells us stuff about her which is of no interest whatsoever. Not wishing to offend my more sensitive readers but the truth of the matter is that the boy is cuntstruck. There said it.

Other things to note are an excessive use of 'Product' on the hair and the fact that he sometimes chews gum and speaks with his mouth full when speaking to customers. (Eeeeugh is right).

Buffoon Boy, is our kitchen designer, well perhaps disaster would be nearer the truth. Imagine if you will the joy at having a custom designed Kitchen, sparkly new gadgets et all.

Would you have planned a kitchen using a competitors design and measurements as your starting point?
Would you have ordered the kitchen (non returnable) from the manufacturer without confirming with the client that the wall that was to be taken down, had actually been taken down?
Would you have done all this without having gone to the site to measure up, instead stating that you'd go to confirm the drawings two days before the kitchen was due to be delivered?

If the answers to any of those questions is YES, please get in touch with reality, or become our new designer.

Another example of Jasons (oops gave that away didn't I) prowess is the ability to conjour prices from the Ether.
Granite worktops have to be Templated so that the stone can be cut exactly to size, then a price is worked out by the Granite people and a go ahead given.
Buffoon Boy needs none of this stuff and gave a customer a price without even getting in touch with the worktop people, ever.

So you see what I have to put up with here in Builders Merchant mayhem.

I was going to entertain you with a little track from Ian Dury but I can't find the file anywhere, so it'l do for later.

Dennypoos, vindictive to lesser mortals. You know it makes sense.