Hell&related Stuff

Well, mes amis, it would appear yes is the right answer.

Today I have learnt that all the stone blocks from the three pyramids at Gizza would have been enough to make a ten foot high wall around all of France...... If only our forebears had known.

Dennypoos.............sometimes a bringer of joy, sometimes not.

...what the hell is Gordon Brown doing about the imminent melt-down of the western economy?
You may well ask, indeed I hope you do. Suffice it to say our glorious leader is waxing lyrical, not about any crunch with a credit motif, NO! he praises Theo Wallcott for his three goals against Croatia.

Dennypoos....................now knows why he despises politicians.

Am I perhaps the only person here on blog.co.uk who has had to correct the abysmal spelieng in local purbs?

I think not.

Today I had to help a barmaid with the spelling of Bourguignon, previously I had noted that 'The Brightwater', in Shirley had persons who could not spell, (let alone cook) a Chicken Ticka.
Yes, 'Ticka', as in ticka-tocka, the noise a clock may make.

Dennypoos...................just longing for that minimum wage feeling.

...how many of the Txt gnrtion will actually realise that the 'Twin Towers' terrorist event occured on September the eleventh as opposed to the ninth of November.

Seven years.. Bloody hell.

Dennypoos...............why is it no one sees things as I do?

I've just watched the TV programme 'Eggheads', something I have been avoiding until now.

C.J. There, said it. Now, my readers will know that I am, by and large, a calm, rational sort of bloke and so I wonder if they would be surprised if I were to mention that 'CJ' is the kind of person whom I would never get tired of hitting once I had started.

He is without doubt the kind of guy who causes decent, respectable folk to form clubs and associations who's only aim is to drive their cars into his living room until one of us is lucky enough to get the bastard.

You may think this un-christian and not exactly charitable, but, I put it to you, just watch one episode and you'll see why such an act would never warranty a conviction.

Dennypoos................a mere novice in the smug stakes.

...that Jesus (son of god not jeans manufacturer) had brothers and sisters.
Apparently two sisters and four brothers, one of whom was an elder brother. I know that this bollocks' Mary's virgin birth thing but I'm 54yrs old and I should have known this since I was a nipper.

Pah! is all I can say to my various RE and RK teachers.

Dennypoos..............again stunned by his own ignorance.

For this mornings treat I have a bit of an oddity. I'm sure you're all aware of the song 'Amazing Grace', perhaps remembering the Judy Collins version which was a hit in my long lost youth?
Well forget those twee warblings because here is a much more authentic rendition. Those who have got the sleep out of their eyes and more especially, ears, will spot that the melody is that ascribed to 'House of the Rising Sun'.
Sounds implausible when I write it down and you read it, but, as my dad used to say..."Pin yer lugholes back".

Dennypoos..................proving that even Sundays have their merit.

Oh yes it can disbelieving readers. Take this morning when I was having an early morning Radio 4 event. When listening to the reporter going through the up-comming internationals, he made mention of the fact that Scotland's match against Macedonia was taking place in Skopje, the birthplace of MOTHER TERESA. Now I had always assumed that the wizzened old lady seen on TV news etc was Indian but not so.*

More details on a remarkable woman here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother_Teresa

* Pedants among you will be reaching for their keyboards to tell me that when she was born the city wasn't called Skopje and was in Albania and that she became Indian by naturalization. This I know, as will anyone who links to the wikipedia website.

Dennypoos......a fool who now knows that what he knew, he didn't.

We all know that one. Mums, Teachers and in my case a cricket coach told us that. Well I have a new saying: Smug comes before a fall.

See, outside its pissing down and looking from an upstairs window at 'Dennypoos Acres' I noticed several plebs who had ventured out into the downpour without so much as an umbrella, some without even an overcoat.

Imagine my chagrin when, needing to go out I discovered that my immense golfing type umbrella was not in its usual place. I searched, god knows I searched, but to no avail and I was reduced to casting envious glances on those umbrella toting bastards as I went about my task.
What is even more galling is that I must have left the umbrella in the pub. In the normal sense of things this could not be construed as a heinous crime, in much the same way as the purchase of a Kebab when pissed would seem to be quite normal.

But no, this is an example of abject stupidity as I've been on the waggon since Christmas.

Fuck!

Dennypoos.................smugly describing his smugness.

As with so many jokes, best after a bottle or two of 'Vino Collapso'

In a pub in Scunthorpe a piece of grey tarmac called Mr Rhodes is chatting to his new friend a piece of red tarmac called Mr T. Enniscourt. Through the door enters a piece of green tarmac.

T. Enniscourt turns to Rhodes and says "Who's the new guy"

Rhodes says "Don't talk to him, he's mad, he's a cycle-path"

For those with brows afrown and puzzled expression, say the words cycle-path quickly and you will get close to Psychopath.

Please, no more applause.....no really.

Dennypoos..................a bringer of breakfast bonhomie.

And so it came to pass that even a thickie like myself realised that I didn't have to have BT sending me a bill through the post every month. Having previously tried to go paper free via a phone call, I decided this time to do it online and Whoo-hoo, this was achieved.
Imagine my surprise therfore to get a letter from BT this morning............. Some of you are ahead of me aren't you?

Yes! you guessed it, it was a letter saying how glad they were that I had taken advantage of their paper free service. Yea gods!..and little fishes?

Dennypoos................greener than a greening BT.

I leave home at lunchtime for a gert long walk and all is right with the world. Take a few happy snappies and get half a dozen eggs so as to make the batter for my Toad in the hole.

Returning to 'Dennypoos Acres' I am amazed to see that Newcastle United have sacked Keegan.
I make the batter, let it rest, do the rest of the stuff for my 'Toad', bung it in the oven, prepare veggies from the garden etc.

The 'Toad' is yet another success, see below:

So I sit down to my grub and bugger me Keegan hasn't been fired say the Newcastle Board.

Thank heavens there is some consistancy in this world and here I mean the brilliance of my culinary efforts.

Dennypoos.................for a world at loggerheads with itself, try Dennypoos, you know it makes sense.

As Emailed to me from Computer Shopper:

Over a million consumers' bank details bought on eBay 1:10PM, Tuesday 26th August 2008
Personal details of UK consumers have been found on a computer sold through online auction website eBay. More than a million Royal Bank of Scotland (RBS), American Express and NatWest account holders' details were found on a computer bought for £35 on the website.

The information included historical data related to credit card applications and data from other banks, according to RBS, who would not disclose further details.

Names, addresses, mobile phone numbers, bank account numbers, sort codes, credit card numbers, mothers' maiden names and even signatures had been left on the hard drive, according to the Daily Mail newspaper.

Archiving firm Graphic Data had been

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responsible for holding the details. The company copies paperwork from some of the biggest financial organisations and stores it digitally. The computer was sold on by one of its former employees, without removing the information. The buyer, an IT manager, later discovered the information on the hard disk.

"Graphic Data has confirmed to us that one of their machines appears to have been inappropriately sold on via a third party," said RBS in a statement.

"As a result, historical data relating to credit card applications from some of our customers and data from other banks were not removed."

Graphic Data blamed the error on its former employee.

"The IT equipment that appeared on eBay was neither planned nor instructed by the company to be disposed," said the company.

"Investigations are ongoing to find out how this equipment was removed from a secure location."

RBS said it was working to resolve "this regrettable loss with Graphic Data as a matter of urgency".

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In order that not all my transactions are visible, I am trogging up the road with a bagful of courgettes which I hope to exchange so as to get my shoes re-heeled.

Dennypoos..........wishing for a black economy. (Can I say that PC-wise?)

Well bugger me but 'Dennypoos Acres' is home to a chancer of a Blackbird.
If it had been a premier league footballer it would be rolling around on the ground, writhing in agony after a vicious tackle that never was.

As can be seen in the photograph below, it seems that the garden is home to a one legged blackbird but not so, for after watching said Avian for a while and tapping on the window in order to get the bugger to look towards the camera, it put down the other half of its undercarriage, gave me a disdainful look,(never knew birds could do that) and flew off.

It was I suppose doing the equivalent of 'Keep-e uppies' or chin-ups. Attention seeking bastard. From now on I shall have no truck with our feathered friends, unless of course they are served with a Madeira gravy.

Dennypoos...................Almost suckered into having feelings.

One of the reasons that Southampton will not be applying to be City of Culture in the near future is down to, the fact that in some small degree, its inhabitants are scummy fuckwit sheep as can be seen from the photo below:

Personally I'm a belt and braces man, but perhaps I'm being unkind and the callow youth has lost a lot of weight recently.

Dennypoos.......................observer or voyeur, your call.

At the risk of sounding like the opening of an old blues song:

Woke up this morning,
then got out of bed.
Took my phone off charge,
and the fucker was dead.

Well not dead per-se but refusing to give me access to my network. I removed the battery and sim, gave both a wipe down, replaced and re-started but still no go.

The phone is a 14 month old Sony K800i on Virgin pre-pay.

Anyone any ideas?

I've emailed Sony Ericcson but so far nada.

Dennypoos..........................fewer threatening calls at least.